Reminiscing.

I miss those nights.
The nights I was so in love, the coffee at midnight, the moonlight, the stars, the docks, the fire, the ocean waves crashing.
Those nights and all those years I was so severely depressed, but they were still the best years of my life. The best nights of my life.
How?
I think back, and I don’t think about the sadness. I think about the joy I felt walking across the bridge underneath the moon. Listening to the waves crash as we sat on the beach at night. The lighthouses, the nightly wanders.
The nightly wonders.
Thanks to good friends and age and change I’ve stepped across that line over these years and into the age of maturity, and I am so grateful, but gosh do I miss it. Those nights and those walks. Those heartbroken drives down route 65. The love I felt. Even though the love was all for nothing… The love was there. I miss that.
I miss the butterflies, I miss when my heart skipped a beat. When did I get so numb? When did my heart stop beating?
Of course my heart is beating, I’m alive, aren’t I?
Just, not as alive as I could be.
I long to go back. I long to go back.
My love is still here. My compassion is still here. My heart is and has always been in the right place. But a piece of it longs to hear those waves crash again and feel the saltwater air breathe on my face. A piece of it needs to see the beautiful city lights. A piece of it needs to stare down into the roadways of route 28 and listen to the cars rush by. A piece of it needs home.
Home.
My heart needs to travel. It needs to flutter. And breathe.
It’s been locked in for so long. My heart needs the spark again. My heart needs home. Those sparks: the feelings, the sights, the sounds, of past adventures, are what made my heart at home. My heart is not home. My heart needs you.
I miss falling in love with everyone and everything. I miss those years of my life.
I miss those nights.
I miss those nights…
I miss you.