Changing.

Quick blog before work, in response to a dear friend’s relationship.

She’s gone through such hard times in her life, the passing of a loved one, the unfaithfulness of friends, and just as all these things were occurring, her boyfriend of nine months was just changing so much, more and more every day. She saw it, and I saw it, and he just wasn’t the same, perfect person she had met at the beginning of the relationship. It may have been family issues, or problems with himself, but the point is, he changed, and there was nothing she could do about it. She still Loved him deep down and thought he was the one, but I believed there was no way she could handle him, or herself, with him acting this way. The person I knew at the beginning of their relationship would have never said those things to her. And the trust he had in her diminished little by little every day.

And now she’s going through the same thing with another guy. And it’s just not fair. Why do people change? This is one thing I have always wondered. It could possibly be because they are insecure with the relationship, or insecure with themselves. Or maybe it’s the other way around; they feel too secure with the relationship, and think that they can do whatever they want and get away with it.

But even if the relationship is secure, and you think you have it all, don’t act in ways that are dominating to the other person, thinking that they will stick by you no matter what. Sure, if two people are in true Love, there will be little chance that they will just fall out of Love with you just like that.

But as I’ve said before, the only person that can break true Love, is that person. love can be broken, Love cannot. The only way it can be broken is by that person changing, or doing something completely heartless and out of the ordinary and something that the other does not expect them to do.

That’s why I made sure to tell to my Love, don’t ever change. He’s told me this also. And I’m glad he did. Even though I know not to change, because I’ve seen bad things happen too many times when people change, I’m glad he told me, because it shows me that he believes I am perfect the way I am right now, in this moment. And in this moment, we are in Love.

We have both changed in the past. Everybody changes constantly in little ways. But it’s the dramatic, “wow, this is totally not your personality at all”, ways of changing, that can cause adverse effects on the relationship, and can possibly have an effect on the Love you feel towards that person.

So one thing you must whole-heartedly promise at the very beginning, is to never change who you are. Because you may have changed in the past, you may have been someone completely different in the past, but she fell in Love with the person you are now. So by changing, by being overcontrolling, which wasn’t you before, well… You risk breaking that Love, you risk breaking her, you risk losing her forever.