What is love? What is Love?

My 9:30 class got cancelled, so this is what I do.

I got the idea for this blog when my dear friend Justin asked me this question on a status I posted on Facebook.

Of course, he was thinking of that other song, something about “Don’t hurt me,” but I always think of the Nevershoutnever song by the same name.

To start, love and Love are very different things. Love, which I’ll refer to (as I have been my whole life) with an uppercase L, is true, eternal. That Love that you may have for the One that you’ve been looking for your whole life. love is almost the same thing, either something you think may turn into Love, or just love you may have for a friend or something of the like.

See, I think the Greeks had it right when they created (used, created, made up, I don’t know) their language with four different terms for love. They don’t have the word love, it simply does not exist. They have the words agape, storge, philia, and eros. And that’s just sweet. I would much rather use those words instead of the word love, because I tend to think it’s quite overused, but that’s just me. And there’s no way to say “I Love you” or “I love you,” it all sounds the same. That’s why the Greeks are smart.

Agape is the unconditional love that people should have for one another. The most common example of this is the Bible, in which God says you should “love one another as yourself.”

Storge, the way you’d love your own brother, mother, or father.

Philia, the love you have for a friend. I philia everybody in my life SO much, and I don’t know what I’d do without them. This may, but usually does not, turn into

Eros. The true Love you have for someone…

Now the love I was talking about up there. It could kind of go both ways, either in the level of friendship, or a relationship. love and Love, you give your love to many, your Love to one. And I think what breaks people inside so much after a relationship ends (including me, even though I’ve never technically even been in a relationship) is the fact that they think the love they have is true Love. It really just may be though. But only when you give your Love to the One will be it returned in the fullest way… And that’s what anybody ever really wants.

To answer the question in a different way, I consider love/Love in five steps: Attraction, Crush, Infatuation, love, and Love. Depending on if you’re looking at love in a friendship way, that fourth step may move up or down on that list, or may not even be there. But I look at it as a step between infatuation and Love, something that’s more than just thinking about that person all the time, yet still not quite yet true Love… Sort of “liking” the person a lot. That’s what I see love as.

It’s pretty obvious what each of these steps mean, how they’re defined, but for the basis of defining them, I’ll do that.

Attraction. Just that person that catches your eye. Don’t think that just because they are attractive, you are being superficial for being attracted to the person… Obviously, a person’s looks is the first thing you notice about a person. Maybe if we could choose to have a blind personality test, we’d do that, but we don’t get that option. Your eyes see the person first, and that is usually what draws you to them.

Crush. You are very attracted to that person, and there’s no denying that. I think of it more of a superficial type of “liking” someone, crushing on one certain aspect of his or her personality or looks. Due to the superficiality of this step, it may or may not be skipped.

Infatuation. You just cannot stop thinking about the person. It’s more than just looks now, it’s everything about them, it’s the fact that they like a lot of the things you like, it’s the fact that they just seem to be your type and a caring person, and this is perhaps the start of something real. Most people define infatuation as superficial, and more of the same thing as a crush, but I don’t see it as such. I see them both as very different ideas, I see infatuation as sort of a step, not something negative. Because with the person you will end up loving, you WILL be infatuated with them and be thinking about him or her all the time.

love. I really don’t have a real way of defining this one. As I’ve said before, it’s just there as a stepping stone between infatuation and Love that just needs to be there. Not quite true Love, yet a bit stronger than infatuation. It’s as close to Love as love can get without actually being there. You always want to be around them, and every moment you spend together just feels wonderful. Don’t get this confused with

Love. This one is the hardest to talk about. Love is the true Love you feel for only one person. You want to spend every second with them, you would die for them, you accept the person for who he or she is, not because they are perfect, as nobody is perfect, but because you care enough about them to look past their flaws.  You would do anything for them, and all you want is their Love in return. You feel so connected when they are near you, it is incredible, and being in their embrace is worth more than gold. Love is giving your whole heart to somebody, and pretty much giving them the option to make you whole or break you apart. But sometimes, most of the time, you have no control over giving them this power. Like your phone or your wallet, you may have just accidentally left your heart at his house or his car on that gorgeous night you spent together, and from that day forward, you don’t know what came over you, but they have your heart, and there is nothing you can do about it but continue to give him all that you’ve got. Their Love in return is quite possible that they are the One, because each person would not give up on the other for anything. Because nothing can break the Love you have for somebody, until that person breaks it. Because what else could possibly break it? Nothing. Only them. Because they have it.

That’s why when that Love is broken due to a breakup, whether friendship or relationship, it is hard to get back up, and you may feel so dead inside, you feel like you can no longer live on the outside, either. Because that person didn’t really Love you at all. It was a lie, it was only love, not Love. You feel there is nowhere else to turn, but get back up; there is always hope for a brighter future. You WILL Love again, you will have to; just because one person hurt you in the worst way doesn’t mean you are destined to live your life alone. Because it is his problem, or her problem, not yours.

A side note, notice how in none of this I talk about sex. One thing love is NOT, is sex, and people these days don’t really seem to understand that. Sex is not part of my equation, or should not be part of any equation to determine what you feel for the person. Because all I feel it can be is superficial. And I stand by that belief until the world changes and proves otherwise.

I really have nothing much else to say. I speak from my own experience, for I’ve been in each of these five stages and know them quite well. Maybe, and hopefully, this little insight will give a better answer to the question,

What is love?