I think those are lyrics to a song or something.
Okay yeah, just googled it, they are.
They’re just strange lyrics, because, I don’t know. I do think of the past as a memory, and something to hold onto, but I tend to think of the bad times a bit too.
A bit too, much, may be the better terminology here.
The picture I just posted of my friend and me was probably one of the last best days of our lives, before the tragedy, before the death of both of our souls. We grew closer because of it, we’re always growing closer, but the two other people that were with us on that Pittsburgh adventure, well…They’re no longer with us.
Not in a death sense, just that, we went our separate ways.
The number of falling outs I had with people over the last six months have just been stammering. Four, to be exact. June 14th, October 2nd, October 27th. (For the ones counting, two happened on the 14th.) Which doesn’t seem like a lot maybe, but to a decent person that barely ever has fights with any of his friends, and has never been through one before this past year, it’s a lot. And of course I remember the dates, they were horrible dates and if I hadn’t put off the creation of that darn time machine for so long, I could go back and fix them before they began.
The problem is, trying to fix things before they began is what started every single one of the fights or arguments in the first place.
Maybe they are not like me, maybe that one detail that separates us means we shouldn’t be a part of each other’s lives: the fact that I don’t like time to “cool down” from a fight, the fact that I like to forgive, forget, and get a tiny argument just over with before things escalate. It’s the fact that I like to make sure things are alright, it’s the fact that I forgive too much and maybe too easily. But nobody likes to talk about their problems with people anymore. They post it on Facebook.
Even though it all seems hopeless, and they seem to be all doing fine without me, and I’m surely doing fine without them, I still long to go back and fix the shattered pieces. And I always will probably want to, because I have such the hardest time letting go of the past. Even though one just quit talking to me altogether and started treating me like crap for no apparent reason, and my best friend constantly asks, “Why?”, my only answer back is,
If you have me as a friend, you have me as a friend for life. I will constantly forgive you, I am extremely, probably way too, loyal, and you can always come back if you leave. Saying that probably leaves me in the most vulnerable state, and anyone reading this can just do whatever they want with me and know I’ll always be there for them at a later time.
But no, I know that I am safe in saying this, because it will only root out the bad and untrustworthy friends, won’t it? Not that I would ever throw away a friend anymore, good or bad. Because I’ve been on both sides. It’s not fun being thrown away, and ever since being the one throwing away in 11th grade (that which, I believe I still owe her for, but after hearing her say that she was sick of me saying sorry, I guess the situation is alright now), I made a vow to myself to never do that again, no matter what the circumstance.
Anyone that has stayed with me through everything I’ve been through deserves a giant medal of honor, because there’s been a lot. Of course, all the good times we all had outweigh the bad, for sure. The bad dates I remember, yes. But how could I forget November 16th, 2010? February 27th? May 25th? June 27th? July 2nd? September 15th? November 17th? December 31st? January 6th? So so many good times with everyone, and too many dates to even fit on this page. I love them all, I love you all. You are all my heart and soul, you are my past, my love, my memory.
And I hope to make many more.
Alynly. ♥
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